You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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