what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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