he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You left your phone here
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