Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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