Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize