Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
