I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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