just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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