I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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