guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
