I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
