I'm going to jail i love you
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
