Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
