the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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