Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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