U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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