Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
