he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize