ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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