My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
