I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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