yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
