He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
