im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
