I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize