just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Two words: nipple clamps
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