If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
