Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
