You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sorry about my life...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
