You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
