Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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