The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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