She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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