My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
