College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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