Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
