Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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