She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize