I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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