he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize