I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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