I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
