I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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