my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
