And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
