My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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