He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
