It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
