were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
