Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
