"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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