no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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