gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
