Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
