I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I didn't notice because vodka
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
