Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize