I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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