I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
