just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
