yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
