3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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