I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
