i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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