He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You are a genius and a whore.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
