i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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