how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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