did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
