I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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