listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
