covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
