I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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