oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
