I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
