my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
