You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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