yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
