i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
