I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i dont even know how to be here
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
