She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Bring me that man meat
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
