fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
