How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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