What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize