it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
