hotel room ftw
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize