well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
