So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
God I need to hump something, right now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
