On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just cropdusted the office
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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