It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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