i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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