If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
