Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
