I like my sex mixed with concussions.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
