She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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