I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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