Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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