Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
