You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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