3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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