Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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