I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
