Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
