You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We have started to decorate penises.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize