you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
