I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
