I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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