you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
