Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
