I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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