were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
