you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
