hotel room ftw
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
