so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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