he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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