Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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