My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
