WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
