She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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