one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
